• Bulimia is a high, a drug, an addiction you can't live without.
• Bulimia is hating yourself so much that you think you don't deserve food.
• Bulimia is throwing up until you see blood but keep going because you think you can still feel food in your stomach.
• Bulimia is being splashed in the face by your own vomit.
• Bulimia is having to sing while you go to the bathroom so everyone knows your not puking between your legs.
• Bulimia is bloody and scared knuckles.
• Bulimia is flocking out of school because classes got in the way or your b/p-ing.
• Bulimia is spending all your rent money on food.
• Bulimia is knowing that every time you lean over the toilet you risk having a heart attack and not caring.
• Bulimia is having a container specifically used for throwing up in your room.
• Bulimia is fucking you electrolytes up soo badly that you can't walk straight.
• Bulimia is devouring 3 large pizzas in 5 minutes and then spending the next half hour trying to get it up.
• Bulimia is being so addicted to laxatives that you have to swallow a box at a time just to get any results.
• Bulimia is feeling food come back up in your throat because you can't keep anything down.
• Bulimia is ruptures esophagus and stomach ulcers.
• Bulimia is where you’d rather risk throwing up pills like birth control rather than keep food down.
• Bulimia is always smelling like vomit no matter how many times you wash your hands.
• Bulimia is people staring at you at the gym because you've been there for six hours.
• Bulimia is not being able to go out with your friends for dinner because you won't have time to throw up.
• Bulimia is when you think about food 24 hours of the day.
• Bulimia is basing your self worth off the numbers on a scale.
• Bulimia is passing out in your bathroom.
• Bulimia is crying because you want to stop so bad but you just can't.
• Bulimia is having purging withdrawals.
• Bulimia is having food come out when you blow your nose.
• Bulimia is rotting teeth.
• Bulimia is being able to eat a meal and still throw it up 5 hours later.
• Bulimia is people staring at you every time you go to the bathroom.
• Bulimia is missing holidays so you can stay home and fast instead.
• Bulimia is blue nail and clumps of hair falling out.
• Bulimia is blacking out if you stand up to quickly.
• Bulimia is not being able to shower with the lights on because you can't stand the sight of yourself.
• Bulimia is a eighty pound girl with chipmunk cheeks.
• Bulimia is edema.
• Bulimia is eating until you have to crawl to the bathroom.
• Bulimia is swallowing whole bottles of icepec syrup at one time.
• Bulimia is glands so swollen doctors think you have mono.
• Bulimia is not understanding why you can't be as pretty/thin/smart as she is.
• Bulimia is never being good enough.
• Bulimia is not being able to hold a conversation because your so malnourished.
• Bulimia is crying because fuck why can't you just be normal.

 and yet...you cant leave it.


moving my blogs to xanga [http://www.xanga.com/FictitiousxTruth], keeping this for my fics...that are comming soon.

Today is day four of my fast; soon it will be day five. I usually don’t get to fast for this amount of time, but somehow I managed to get around everything, fool everyone. I had coffee today with my friend, I used the old, ‘my stomachs feeling funny today…’ which really is no lie, so I didn’t have any snack with her.

I went to the store with my mother; she wanted to get something to eat. I grabbed a coke zero, and so she wouldn’t get suspicious I grabbed a bag of Swedish fish candy.

There in a bag under my bed.

So far I lost 8lbs this week. I really need to step it up, I want to loose as much as I can before school starts up.

Kind of exhausted…I think I might go to bed now.